Irene Hsiao

Things Men Say (to me) at the Milonga



Him: Ok, let’s walk. Ok. Ok. Cross. Ok. No. Not now. Ok. It’s ok.

Me: Sorry [step on his left foot]. Sorry [step on his right foot]. Sorry [kick him in the shins]. Sorry [forgot to cross]. Sorry [crossing when not supposed to cross]. Sorry [randomly pivoting because I don’t know what to do [Him: Stop doing that.]]. Sorry [etc].


Him: Kick now.

Me: You want a battement a la seconde or a fan kick? Attitude derrière?

Him: Stop! Stop!!

Me: I know all kinds of kicks!


Him: Too much tension. Relax. Want me to teach you close embrace? Stop pushing me away. Stop walking away. Stop trying to lead. Do you have trust issues with men??



Him: And now you kick between my legs.

Me: I’m sorry. I just met you; I’m not doing that.

Him: WTF.


Me: Sorry.

Him [stumbling from some unexpected thing I did]: it’s ok.

Me: Sorry.

Him [stumbling]: it’s ok.

Me: Sorry.

Him [stumbling]: it’s really ok. We didn’t fall over; we didn’t run into anyone else.

Me: Sorry.


Me: Sorry.

Him: [one minute into the dance] This is not going to work out. Let’s stop now.

Me: [slinking back to the girls] Are there any chips left?


Him: You are a wild mustang! I will never forget this dance!

Me: sorry???


Him: Ok, just close your eyes and pretend you are looking at a place far behind me.

Me: [I am desperately in love with you in this moment. I will express this passion by stepping on your feet several times.] Sorry.


Me: I don’t know how to do this dance.

Him: Sure, you know how to do this dance!

Me: No, I really don’t.

Him: Just be really, really sad.

Me: Oh. Ok. I know how to do that.


Him: Why are you looking around all the time?

Me: Um… I like to look at people’s shoes. Sometimes I look at their clothes, too. I like to watch other people dancing. Sometimes I look at the people sitting around the room. Sometimes I’m checking out the snack table to see if there’s any food left. Sometimes someone is saying something, and I’m trying to read their lips. Sometimes you can see things out the window. Sometimes there are people watching me that I watch back. Sometimes I’m not looking at anything IN the room; I’m looking at something NOT in the room. Oh, I don’t know…

Him: You should look at your partner.

Me: Sorry.


Him: I don’t know how to tango. Can you lead?

Me: No.


Him: Do you take lessons?

Me: Well, I started taking lessons with the Argentine Tango club on campus… but I haven’t been to class in at least a month….

Him: You should take lessons.


(Many thanks to anyone who has ever danced with me!!!)


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This entry was posted on May 31, 2016 by and tagged , , , , , , .
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